Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I have made it in life. I HAVE A FAN! A fan! Who would have thought! I’m still trembling with excitement.

3 seconds earlier…

I was walking in town about to plug in my new earphones and drown myself in the world of music when I hear someone call me, “Mwamisi”. I raise my face and look ahead. The guy looks familiar.

The right side of my brain started racing… The little voices in my head began working frantically. They always start with the ‘Madeni Files’ which are at the entrance of the massive frontal cortex storage unit. They are right next to the ‘Valid Believable Reasons’ cabinet. I have never seen a more synchronised team of minions. Team A rush to the Madeni Files and divide themselves into smaller groups that check quarterly debt dating back to 1990. They are that efficient.

Team B rush to the Valid Believable Reasons files. They stack the reasons by age, sex and aggressiveness of debtor. And another group by amount of debt and how far back it dates.

Team PR is from the left side of the brain. They are like the celebs of the voices in my head. Their work is to stall the Greeter just incase I don’t recognise him immediately. They are always on standby like Cobra Squad. With those guys, I can talk myself out of anything.

Team C is the biggest group. Their work is to await instructions from Team A that I don’t owe this guy any money. Team C then rush into the vast Frontal Cortex Storage Unit dividing themselves into:
Former-school-mates-of-importance both in high school and primo,
Ex-campus mates,
Potential deranged boyfriends of a chic I posed for a photo with,
Celebrities… I’m a true fan. I always say hi to celebrities on the street,
Former shamba boys who made it in life,
The random guy who took my number in the club… Yes I said guy… This actually happened to me. All this time I had thought we were talking about business. Story for another day. This will probably be the next story

Then the guy stretches his hand with a “how are you?” Firm grip, confident. I still don’t recognise him. Team PR begin to develop a quick stalling strategy. Team A, ya ‘Madeni’ give the all clear and it’s up to Team C to figure out who this is.

Then the guy goes, “you’re Mwamisi, Mwamisilet’s father”.
My brain freezes; what is happening?
Then he goes on, “I follow you on Instagram”

The voices in my head froze in their tracks. Three voices from Team C fainted. No one understood what was going on. All the voices looked at Team PR to save the situation. Team PR, for the first time, were clueless. Then a voice from Team PR, a little, shy one whose always at the back stepped forward and said, “ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have here is what we call a fan” Then a voice said, “I’ve heard about this before. I always thought it was a legend”. “Kumbe that old brain cell that died was not lying. May he RIP.” “ A female voice, Voice-of-Reason spoke up, “So how do we handle this? Do we have a file for that?” “No we don’t!”
“Alright we’ll open a file and begin a whole new experience. Today is a very important day in history ladies and gentlemen. When the famous insomnia voice Lex Luther, fondly known by his friends as Martin ama Mtu Nguyas as his mother used to call him said, ‘I have a dream’ not only was he saying the truth, but is also significant coz it’s the only time in 30 years that he slept. Now his dream has come true, ladies and gentlemen. I propose a toast *raises champagne glass* to our first fan. Team PR, do us the honours, do what you do best. THIS.IS.MEDULA OBLANGATA!”. Thousands of voices cheered from the frontal cortex to the kisogo guys, to the blonde voices who live in the forehead.

I stretch out my hand and greet him, “It’s a pleasure meeting you.”

Before I could say anything else, I got a surprise from Team C voices. We recognise him. He’s the one who made that hilarious comment on this post: and they pulled the Instagram post from the archives.

I went on, “you are Kiringi?”
“Kirongo”, he corrected me.
“It’s great to meet you. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing quite well thank you.” Then he introduced me to his two friends.
“Alright guys have a great day.” And I walked away trembling with excitement.

All I need now is 1 hater and my life will be complete.