We were in this thingy in Juja. It was investors meeting where the company was unveiling a finished project to the investors. I don’t like ceremonies and they were doing the whole 1hr per director speech thing. Why do guys do that? You can’t do that!… ‪#‎YouCantDoThat ← — inside family joke…

Anyway, it’s all good. How else would Candy Crush and Temple Run have been invented and earphones, for those who are more savage.

In my case I had ‪#‎Mwamisilet, my bro and my sis to keep me company. We decided to take a walk. We were starving and it was in the middle of nowhere… All that was around was one random house as far as the eye could see..and a windmill. Then I saw a random dog running in fear…. I.kid.you.not… It looked exactly like Courage the Cowardly Dog mpaka the teeth.

We walked around until we found a small kiosk that looked like it was still in the 80’s. You know those kiosks where the shopkeeper has to be called from sijui herding goats huko in the Valley of Peace! As we waited, the little girl brought us chairs from the house. One of them was broken so had to sit half-assed. Now I understand what it would feel like to put on a thong. Why would you do that to yourself?
#YouCantDoThat

Finally the shopkeeper arrived. I asked what they had to eat, she listed a group of names that I didn’t recognise until she got to ‘ngumuu’. My eyes brightened, should I relive my high-school memories? Eating a Ngumuu was like taking a double Math in the afternoon, after an Ugali lunch and those large cabbages the size of a handkerchief; or if you’re a Kyuk, geshifo or ‘angeiy’ as pronounced by our Kamba ‘pipos’. When you eat a ngumuu, you need to find a spot where you won’t be disturbed coz you’ll be there for a while; and use that opportunity to reflect on your life and get in touch with your ancestors.

I looked at my “pipos”, saw how hungry they were. Ngumuu didn’t seem appropriate at this difficult point in their lives. “Uko na mkate?” She chomoad Broadways. Hweh! It had been years since I ate Broadways. “Na juice?” #Mwamisilet doesn’t do soda. “Niko na Afia”. You should see how we gobbled up the bread; in threes and fours. Sema ubao.. Timberwood.