I got bit by a horse. Yah, I know, I know. It would have been more epic if I got bit by a lynx or a vampire bat. Yaani niliumwa na farasi, farasi! Jameni

I have vast experience with horses (read I visit a stable once a year for like 15 minutes). My friend took me to a stable and I was bragging about my horse whisperer skills; how I can easily make a horse comfortable. We walked from horse to horse and my skills were working. I’d gently approach a horse and within seconds he’d let me touch him and rub his neck or her neck, without running away or neighing ovyo ovyo. “Now watch me whip, watch me neigh neigh….” I digress.

So I approached this horse. His ears were shot back. Normally that’s a bad sign on a horse. It means it’s on defense mode or attack mode. Sometimes it’s a good sign. If you’re riding a horse and it shoots back it’s ears, you’re in for the ride of your life. That thing is going to burst into some biblical speed, akina Alexander the Great would be impressed. Though you need to be a pro for this. Last time this happened to me, the next thing I knew, I was in the air. “I, I get so high…”

“Normally the trick is, approach the horse slowly with your hand held out like you’re begging to touch it’s beard.” That’s me showing off my impressive skills to a pretty lady. “Never raise your hand like you want to rub it’s forehead, it will think you want to hit it.” Speaking in impeccable Queen’s English. I could see the gleam on her face. Success! She was impressed.

I moved closer to the horse to the point I almost touched it’s neck. Niliskia tu NG’AU!!!!.

Impeccable English gone. I shouted “NIMEUMWA!” Pointing to the horse like a 4 year old.

I thought the stable guys would come rushing to my rescue. All 4 of them waliendelea tu kupiga story. After a few seconds one walked up towards us and just muttered to me, “ukiona farasi imeweka maskio namna hii, wachana na yeye. Enda ucheze na mwingine”

My impressionable lady took a photo of the very very tiny bite…bitette and laughed at me a good one. “How can you be bitten by a horse? A horse! Farasi! Surely!”