Leo ni ile siku. Sun revolution imefanya ile kitu. I now have 1 year experience of ‘life begins at 40’ and I tell you it has been epic. Absolutely epic. This journey has been the best. I have massively grown mostly because I deliberately decided to. I have another post already written for this. I’ll post it baadaye.

Last year I wrote down a list of #40Things to do. I’ll post the whole list nikimaliza. So far I have achieved 21 of them. 19 to go. Some need budget, some need emotional maturity by force by fire, some need a lot of will power. Actually, I think all of them needed will power since they were all out my comfort zone. Haya wacha niwaupdate. I’ll start with the deep ones then the exciting ones.

#40Things

Number 29: Stop fake smiling & Stop pretending to enjoy things I actually hate.

I did. I don’t even know how it happened but I have achieved this. Now is when I’m realising “ala, hii iliisha lini?”. I wondered how I was going to achieve this. I kept catching myself fake smiling. I remember a friend of mine telling me “the fact the you notice it, and it’s bothering you is a good first step”. One year down the line, I smile a lot but now it’s only from my heart. Nani anakumbuka ile poem ya Four Skills English “when I smile, I smile with my eyes”?

This was more about people pleasing. The more I put myself first, the more I stopped pretending to like things that I actually hate or dislike. It’s really easy for me to say “no” or “sijiskii” and without feeling guilty about it.

Number 30: Take charge more, make more independent decisions, accept responsibility for those decisions ata kama ni mbaya and grab life by the balls. Get affected by people less.

This one is kinda connected to the one above. The more I understand that “maisha ni yangu….” najua kuna mtu ameanza kudance ki-odi… I learnt that people project themselves. It’s not really about you it’s about them so isikusumbue. Ikikukata, it means kuna mahali unafaa kusort. Find it and sort it. Take your path, run with it. Usiogope. Every path has its own adventure. Embrace the adventure. Independent decisions need less affirmation and confirmation. Watu wa affirmation oye! Tuko wengi sana. Nilijifunza kujiaffirm. Kuna watu wa snap decisions. Then kuna watu wa “give me a second nitakushow”… I’m in this group. But after that second is done, twende kazi, no jokes.

A good friend on mine told me “be kind, life is short”. There’s something I did juzi juzi. A decision I made that involved someone else. Nilidebate whether to do it or not because I knew it might cause me pain… Be kind, life is short. I decided to be kind anyway… And it did cause me pain, though very shortlived. But at the end of the day, benefited the other person. Take charge, accept responsibility, grab life by the balls, get affected less. And we move on with happiness in our souls. Ama namna gani my friend?

Number 16: Write a list of people I need to forgive. Forgive them and let go of any grudge. Forgive myself for believing I should have done better when I didn’t know how.

This one was the hardest. The 3rd part was the most important. You know that question “what could you have done better?” Nothing. I didn’t know better. I’d have done the exact same thing. This is hard to accept kwanza those nonsense mistakes I remember making. Financial decisions, career decisions and relationship decisions. But I have forgiven myself. I didn’t know better, I didn’t know how. But that’s what growth is. It’s never all sweet. It has a lot of nasty edges.

Alafu the first and second part. Wangapi wameenda therapy? Wangapi still believe therapy is only for marriages that are dying or people with mental issues?

I changed number 16 a bit. There are people to forgive and there are people you will never forgive and you don’t need to, but you need to accept that it happened to you and you need to be able to live with it without it hurting or affecting you anymore. So I wrote down a list. It’s a very short list actually. Juu kuna watu walinitenda na nikasahau and moved on kitambo sana. Ata nilisahau kukeep grudge. “Buda ulikumbuka kubeba ile grudge?” “Nilikuwa nimeibeba lakini saa hii ata sijui niliiacha wapi? I think imelost”

Weawosai? Asaiwoseing! I wrote a short list of people who are or have been in my life. It was tough reliving some of that pain in writing. There are things I realised I had already forgiven a long time ago. Other things I hadn’t forgiven but had accepted and moved on. Other things I had neither forgive nor even accepted so I had so start the journey. So as we speak my slate is clean. Kama umewahi nikosea I have either forgiven you or decided not to forgive but I have accepted that it happened and I have moved on.

Weh. Wacha niwaambie wadau. This was the toughest thing on my list. Na kuna vitu kwa list that will cost me tons of money but nothing has come close to this one. Emotions and peace of mind are extremely expensive. Hweh!

Haya nimemaliza deepness….

Forty Wood…

Number 26: Clear out garage for workshop:

Number 11: Create a woodwork piece:

Number 33: Start a new business:

If you’ve seen from my posts I started Forty Wood a year ago. I turned Forty and started doing Wood, hence the name. I don’t even know why number 26 iko kwa list ya 40 things. Kusafisha room ni kitu ya kuweka kwa bucket list shuwali! I was going to remove it and replace it with something more noteworthy lakini I realised its a milestone for me. A year ago cleaning out the garage was a grand thing. Right now, I decide to do something, I do. Creating a woodwork piece was a grand thing. Right now I do it almost every day. When Forty Wood started I was very unsure of how to go about it. I hardly, or never do things alone. I always have someone by my side either a business partner or emotional partner. But this time I was completely alone. Mara perfectionism was slowing me down, mara frustration. The number of times I said “I don’t think this is my thing”. There was a time a got a picture frame to make. I redid it so many times and kept getting it wrong. I even asked a couple of woodworkers to make it for me. None of them was available at the time. I had to figure it out on my own. It almost cost me a friend. Wah.

Forty Wood is the one thing I have built on my own kabisa, my own affirmation, my own will power. My close friends wa “mazee uko poa, endelea tu”. “Kuna tool flani niko nayo na situmii wacha nikupee”. Hiyo support is everything. And the friends who have ordered stuff from me. Nyinyi ni wale wasee. And the ones who have come to help me work on a project ahsanteni sana. Mnajijua. A boti on me.

As we speak, I have 12 pending orders. I am absolutely loving this journey. I saw this coming but I didn’t think it would come that fast.

Number 12: Buy a suit.

Nufsed!