When I moved to Nanyuki, I saw those straw baskets and was like “duuuude wharathoseee? I want those thingys”… Okay, siongeangi hivyo lakini you catch my drift… I am kaodo hard-core.. Not like gang-gang hardcore but kama hardcore polite.. Let me explain. Wacha I fast foward a bit, a couple of months later.

I grew French Beans in 2020 and when covid hit, the Europe market was closed so there no export market anymore. Large scale industrial farmers suffered massive losses. Mimi I was like is bila, I packed gunias and went to the soko first thing in the morning. By 6am I was there. And by 6:30am I had sold all my French Beans. I kept doing that, which was twice a week until ziishe kwa shamba.

Then it was mango season in Machakos. I had a gunia full of mangoes. After giving out nini nini, I decided to go take the rest to the soko. Kumbe tulikuwa huko wote… Everyone had mangoes so none of the stalls wanted to buy from me. Nikaona well, kuna plan B. Niliomba gunia from one of the mamas, nikatafuta space na nikatandika my mangoes on the ground. Ungeniona hapo, “Mama nyawira, uko na change ya fifte?” I sold mangoes until around 10am. The chic next to me, who was also selling mangoes, told me “usijali by jioni zitakuwa zimeisha.” I wasn’t ready to stay there til jioni plus I was massively bored after being there for 4 hours. At least I had sold two thirds of them. I packed the rest kwa gari nikarudi home. Oh yah, also, a friend of mine who works at Batuk (British Army Training Unit, Kenya) told me they need some, so I delivered there.

So you can see that I’m a kaodo hustler? Si soft-life peke yake? Haya basss, back to my story. I saw those straw baskets at Cedar Mall… kwa Maasai Market na zilikuwa zimetengezwa vizuri. I asked the Ras guy, “niaje, how much are these?”. He tells me 1800/=. I’m like aaight. Lakini sasa I want the source pahali naweza nunua the basket alafu nitengeneze niuze pia. He’s like “sasa because of covid, the routes are closed and we might have to wait for the roads to be open I order for you.” Hook! We exchanged numbers and he told me he’d call me. I told him I needed 10 to start with. In my mind, I thought if I can get these baskets for like 500 bob, rembesha them kiasi then sell them for 1500 I’ll be making a killing…. Kachiiiiiing…

A couple of days later, he calls. Line! He told me he can get the baskets and asked how many I need. I decided to start with 5 first. He calls me later in the day and says he’s gotten 5 of them at 280/=. Sinker! …. Whaaaaaatttt…. Ladies and gentlemen, sema kuangukia deal… Santorini here we come… I picked up my baskets and laughed all the way to the bank… house… I mean house.

Remember I’m still new in Nanyuki, bado groceries nanunua kwa supermarrrrrket, nini nini. Then I saw my neighbour with such nice healthy nyanyas. “Yooh hizo nyanya zimetoka wapi?” She told me they are from the soko. Mimi huyooo mwendo wa aste aste mpaka soko. Kwanza I went when it was market day, Wednesday. The soko was brimming with fresh foods wah, everything from nyanya to brocoli… And at a fraction of the price of ya supermarket. I bought enough stuff for the house… And then.. And then… Heh… Ebu I pause for a bit…. What do I see? Those straw baskets! I ask the price! Mnajua ile video ya Tiktok where they say “Heh!” And then clap! Hivyo ndio nilifanya. These things are 30bob…. 30 BOB!… Thate bob! Besha shigana! Besha ishi!

Wah… Si niligongwa a good one! A gudu one! Wacha niwaambie, siku hizi mimi ni pro! Veteran! Nyanya na Kitunguu natoanga kwa Mama Tony ama hapo next, nduma kwa yule mzee wa story mob, fruits kwa Peter, waru, soko ya Timau, they have the biggest warus. Then jackets kwa Mama Ian, shirts kwa Mama Victor, shorts kwa Fatuma na T-shirts kwa Salano.

Place ya chipo ya 24 hours nitakushow, the best pizza ni ya Jibs, followed closely by za One Stop. Java has the best wraps, Carol’s has the best sandwiches, Springfield has the best chapos waki compete na Jecima. Chapo beef ama ugali beef ya 200-300 bob enda Springfield. Kienyeji kuku for 200 bob enda Tamu. For a nice meal ya 1000-2000, Jibs, Nook, One Stop and Barney’s. The best samosas ni za Alnusra, 50bob, or if you’re up to driving 40km to Entrecote Kisima, they have even better samosas for 50bob. Zinaishanga haraka but I have their contacts. Alafu kuna Jamaican food made by a Jamaican chef at Jamrock, wheh epic! Burritos, Tacos and everything in that world go to Bara Burrito. And finally, you want to chill with the big boys? DownTown.

In other news, I was writing this after a nice morning ride seated next to a dam. Ndio hiyo photo. Don’t worry about my puffy face. Sikuwa nimemaliza kuamka..