Yaani namaanisha nzi, housefly… First of all flies are not supposed to be this sophisticated. I was riding down my usual route, it was downhill so I was cruising at like 6000km/hr. Then there’s this fly, inzi… on my head. Imeng’ang’ana tu kushikilia nywele ni kama wale Vikings wanaride horse in war wakiscream solidarity.

I brush it off with my hand, jambazi akaruka ni kama dame anacheza bladder. The idiot still holding onto my hair. I gave up and decided “twende basi”. Mnati akashikilia and together we went.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had forgotten about the fly. I got to that downhill point. Hapo ndio ninajiwachilia yangu yote. Body angled to reduce drag kama wale wasee wa Tour De France, hands fully forward and thighs burning, pushing those pedals. Kwa earphones naskiza Freaks by Niki Minaj and French Montana.

Then I felt a sharp pain on my ear. Something had hit me. It was a stinging pain I almost thought I had been stang but at that speed I knew hakuna nyuki inaweza keep up. I figured it’s definitely a piece of gravel that had probably flown from my tyre ikanigonga skio.

Then it hit me, no, it was that fly on my head. Jambazi alirealise I am listening to Freaks and decided, “kumbe huu msee anakuanga hivi?”. She then proceeded to remove a whip from the wardrobe then STWAAAAAP! on my ear! And then it stood there watching me neigh neigh.

My ear is still swollen. I’d have taken a photo but I look like a mixed verson of Will Smith and Matiangi.

From there ilibidi I ride slowly coz now my enlarged ear ilikuwa mzigo kama wale wasee wa Bodaboda wanabeba wale wamama who sit on the side…

Kwanza ushawahi patana na hizo boda when you’re in traffic? You’re there minding your business looking ahead unastukia kuna mtu ameketi next to your window facing you, looking straight at you. Na vile wanakuwanga wameketi vidiplomatic ni kama wako church. Karibu akuambie “how are you my brother”. And they’re always in a red dress. Mmenotice?